a device for the soul

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make you mine

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(Here is the primary, uneditted version to this poem.  I am still working on it and will add the editted version, once it’s complete, so there is a comparison for view and comment.) 

crawl out from your bones,
pour me into your heart
and bleed me through your body.
filling every bruise, weep from every wound
sustain you
making your every pulse my own

dance around your head,
draw me into your lungs
and let me be your oxygen.
becoming every sigh, form into every word
saturate you
making your every breath my own

storming inside your skull,
flash me through your brain
and send me down your spine.
riding every signal, spark from every nerve
electrify you
making your every thought my own

spinning beneath your feet,
wander me hither and yon
and leave me with your remains.
devouring every ounce, dissolve into every speck
absorb you
making your every atom my own

passing across your sky,
disperse me into your grave
and suffuse me into your soul.
revealing every sight, shine from every direction
illuminate you
making your every truth my own

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Written by 2ndhandsoul

December 31, 2007 at 5:01 pm

Posted in poetry

One Response

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  1. Here are some suggested edits by janet at WritersDigest.com forums:

    “I got to thinking about your poem and here are some suggestions, cleaning up the grammar more than anything else, you often didn’t use, as you should have, parallel structures.

    crawl out from your bones,
    pour me into your heart
    and bleed me through your body.
    FILL every bruise, weep from every wound
    sustainING you
    making your every pulse my own

    dance around your head, (THIS ISN’T CLEAN, NEITHER AS IMAGE OR MEANING)
    draw me into your lungs
    and let me be your AIR
    becoming every sigh, formING every word
    saturatING you
    making your every breath my own

    LET ME STORM inside your skull,
    flash me through your brain
    and send me down your spine.
    TO ridE every signal, spark from every nerve
    electrifyING you
    making your every thought my own

    spin ME beneath your feet,
    wander me hither and yon
    and leave me with your remains, (COMMA)
    devouring every ounce, dissolvING into every speck
    LET ME absorb you
    making your every atom my own

    LET ME PASS across your sky,
    disperse me IN your grave
    and suffuse me IN your soul.
    revealing every sight
    shinING from ALL directionS
    illuminateD,
    you MAKE your every truth my own”

    2ndhandsoul

    December 31, 2007 at 5:04 pm


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