a device for the soul

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Keeping Your Guard Up

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Madness lurks around every corner. Any moment could mean stepping from the light of reason into the murky depths of insanity. Aren’t you the least bit curious? What will push you over the edge, or what will make you jump? Do you wake up in your well-ordered universe, seeing nothing to give you worry, to give you pause, to make you shiver? Do you get ready for work, already plotting today’s course along its path back again into sleep? What if something goes wrong? What if events outside your control upset the plan? What if you are forced to wake up and see your life from the outside; put under the microscope of cosmic indifference? Will you hide? Will you cringe? Will you laugh in lunacy? Who will you run to in confession? Who will you turn to for solace? Will you wrap yourself in comfort, reminding yourself of the good moments, the happy thoughts, the innocent nostalgia that says, “If it doesn’t matter so much, at least it will matter to you, in some small way, somewhere?” Sure, there’s nothing to worry about. There are no monsters waiting in the shadows, nothing under the bed. Death doesn’t circle over your head like vultures. You aren’t constantly one step closer to death with every breath you take, every beat of your heart, every thought in your head. It’s not like we started dying the moment we were born. (It’s not like there would be anything meaningful you could do about it, anyway, either.) Put your weary head down on your pillow and release your concerns to the realms of sleep. Things will continue on despite you, perhaps in spite of you. But, really, they can hardly be concerned with you. Is that okay? Are you still special, at least to someone, in some way?

Now, look again. Turn around. What’s stopping you from doing it? Is that really you in the mirror today, brushing your teeth? Has the cosmos set afire a new soul within that meaty vessel? What is going to set you off? What will be your breaking point? Do you have an escape plan now, after all the rationalization is over? Or will you try to go down, guns ablaze, in a torrent of fury and sound…signifying nothing?

Or do you let it go with a chuckle, a shake of the head? That’s crazy-talk. A momentary lapse. Things are right now. Back to normal. Time to get on with the day. What stupid nonsense. Oh well. You have your reasons. We all have our reasons, right? Does the universe need a reason? No time to think about that, now. No time for that. Keep it moving, now. Someone’s taking care of it; it’s no concern of yours. Of course, they’ve got your back, right? Right? Hurry up, or you’ll be late.

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Written by 2ndhandsoul

October 1, 2008 at 1:08 pm

3 Responses

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  1. I’m late so often that I have stopped apologising for it. After all, people don’t want to hear empty apologies – they want dependablility.

    teagan

    October 1, 2008 at 2:17 pm

  2. We seek to control and bring order to the chaos. We like to see some stability within the sea of changes. Why? Perhaps we’re scared we’re all just sand castles lined up on the beach, waiting for our tide to show up. Nice to know if something can last, even for a little while. Gives us a reason to remain sane and productive in society, right?

    Keep up the good work! Tell them you are trying to teach them spiritually; to let go of their preconceived notions of time and what matters. I’m not sure that can go on a resume, though, when you might be look for another job, should they fail to be enlightened. 😉

    2ndhandsoul

    October 1, 2008 at 5:06 pm

  3. No, I think I’ll just have to lie. I am not nearly naive enough to believe that I’m in a position to pick and choose between enlightened and non-enlightened workplaces(If there is such a beast). I’d just settle for one where I don’t get yelled at very often and I don’t have to work with anyone that’s previously assaulted me. But I wasn’t just speaking in a physical sense…I procrastinate in affairs of the heart, too.

    teagan

    October 2, 2008 at 4:50 am


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