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Archive for the ‘wrath’ Category

Mario Kart Wii is made for girls.

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Alright, so obviously we have this game. Currently, my wife is in the family room playing, trying to unlock Daisy. It’s a little obsessive, but amusing to observe. One thing I’ve noticed, however, after playing the different incarnations of the Kart series over other gaming platforms, is that girls most often like to turn the controller to move their car… Despite the fact that, in previous days, this would accomplish nothing but looking a little foolish. However! With the advent of the Wii and their control system, it fits in perfectly with the female instinct to move the controller in the manner in which Mario Kart Wii can use. And use well, it seems, for my wife and daughter tend to kick my butt, currently.

Damn you, Nintendo.

Written by 2ndhandsoul

October 8, 2008 at 4:34 am

Traffic.

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Traffic. You hate it, I hate it. Almost simultaneous with the invention of the car came terrible drivers. This is not anything new to most people out there. However, what I’d like anyone to realize, to remember, to consider, is this:

A car is, for most intents and purposes, a moving room with wheels. It is also several thousand pounds of metallic-death-and-destruction-waiting-to-happen. If we pause to consider the fact that we’re driving a really large bullet, we might not take the act of driving for granted, so much. It’s somewhat sobering to contemplate just the danger one can cause or be placed in, while at the mercy of a few tons of steel speeding at many miles per hour. One wrong turn, one distraction, one bad decision, can destroy lives forever.

What is also taken for granted is the fact that there are rules governing the operation of traffic. One has to realize that these rules – and perhaps any rules at all – are pretty arbitrary. They are words and ideas that everyone expects the other people out there will follow. But we don’t have to, that’s the thing. There is literally nothing stopping you from veering off the road and onto a sidewalk to decimate all the yielding and weak, fleshy people presumably kept safe by “traffic laws.”

We stop at red lights and stop signs. We yield to the right of way and pedestrians. We use our turn signals, check both ways, go the listed speed limit, etc. At least, we should, and we expect (and I guess, hope) that everyone else zipping around in their death-machines will as well.

I have news though: there is no one watching to see if we misbehave. Sure, there’s the police, but they are not everywhere at all times. The only thing keeping us from really doing the possibly terrible things we so easily could is some sort of “tattletale” complex. If I do something bad, someone else is going to tell on me – that sort of thing. (Of course, that presumes anyone is really watching or cares. It also presumes that there’s anyone left alive afterward to be a tattletale.)

I guess I just find it fascinating the way traffic functions without the need for constant, overbearing enforcement and regulation. Operating the lethal metal boxes at breakneck speeds assuming our safety and that everything will remain just fine. That’s right Mr. Pedestrian, you may cross the street now. Don’t mind the growl of the combustion engine churning, controlling and channeling the energy of miniature explosions within, empowering this machine that could so entirely obliterate you without even slowing down, should I decide to switch from the brake pedal to the accelerator. You’re life is safe and sound and unthreatened.

I guess that’s what cheeses me off about reckless or rude drivers. So they think they can get away with shit? The rules are able to bend for them, because…what? They’re special exceptions? What’s stopping me from snapping and forgetting the rules, myself? This made me consider making a little list…

THINGS I WOULD DO IN A VEHICLE, IF THERE WERE NO CONSEQUENCES FOR MY ACTIONS:

– Jump into the lane with oncoming traffic and see how long I can last before getting hit.
– Drive along a sidewalk, preferably downtown.
– Drive a car off a parking ramp, hopefully from the top floor. Also hopefully onto a crowded street and sidewalk below.
– Smash through the front door of a shopping mall or office building or bank; whichever has nice, big glass doors. Then I would park and continue my business there. Fuck parking lots, right? That’d be the closest spot, I think.
– Always go as fast as the car can go, even if it’s just down the street. Without heeding crosswalks, stop signs, or traffic lights, of course.
– Do some donuts in the middle of a cemetery or public park.
– Instead of the horn, I’d just ram people to get their attention.
– Straddle the lane-dividing lines.
– Side-swipe people that try to pass me. Slam on my brakes if someone is tail-gating me.

Well, that’s just some. I’m sure to think of more.

Written by 2ndhandsoul

September 19, 2008 at 4:05 pm

A Baby Formula Best Served Cold

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How was Chinese baby formula chemically tainted?

I’ll tell you: it was a secret revenge tactic taken by the Olympic Oversight Committee at being cornered into allowing a bunch of obviously underaged atheletes into the ’08 Summer Olympic Games.

The conversation went a little something like this:

“Hey d’ya see the news about what that hacker found about them gymnasts?”

“Yeah. Damn, we’re kinda left with our pants down. We look pretty stupid for allowing it. Yet, it’d be almost as much hassle, if not more, if we penalize them or something. Especially considering the Olympics are being held there. I don’t wanna get knifed like that poor bastard, do you? What do we do?”

“Well, I suggest we keep things rolling, but we even the score later. I have a great idea: we’ll sabotage their infant formula!”

“Yeah, there won’t be any more underage athletes or, if we’re lucky, a China left, if we wipe them out early!”

And thus the plan was put into action, shortly thereafter…

Written by 2ndhandsoul

September 18, 2008 at 8:41 pm